Assignment 7

For the first time in over forty years, Ron Paul deviated from his usual rhetoric on his website last Wednesday. This watershed was not unprompted however; there was a very clear and concise purpose: A complaint voiced with a suggested improvement? A compliment to the executive branch? A much overdue forfeit? No, of course not. Any one of those three suggestions would be a radical way to breathe new life (briefly) in Ron Paul’s flailing campaign. But no such luck. Instead Ron Paul changed his rhetoric for the first time in his career for the sole purpose of advertising.

Ah money – it changes all of us. Puts us at ease. Makes us forget about our cares (and everyone else’s). And of course, brings out that evil little Republican in all of us. Has anyone ever heard of a rich radical? Nope; the position of radical is fun but pays horribly. Ron Paul therefore recognized that if he wanted to make any money on his new book, he’d have to briefly hop down off his well-worn soapbox and talk to the American public like a normal politician.

He titled his post “Let’s take the country by storm – again.” Did anyone notice the last storm? Some more accurate titles could have been, “Let’s bemuse college kids one more time,” or “Let’s see if I can get Anderson Cooper to remember my name.” Really though, Ron Paul would have to play saxophone on Arsenio if he wanted to incite true political mania from the younger generation. In fact, it’s surprising Hillary hasn’t pulled a similar publicity stunt since it worked so well for her husband. Except Hillary looks like she’d be more a tube player; you know, a supporting, fart-like instrument that uses a lot of air and sounds awful solo. Yeah, that’s Hillary.

And as we continue to delve into the ridiculous, it impossible to overlook the proud testimonial Ron Paul included about his book: “My friend’s are calling it ‘Ron Paul’s legacy’.” What friends? Certainly not anyone in Congress. Certainly not Mexicans. Certainly not black people. It can only be assumed then that Ron Paul’s ‘friends’ refers to pot-smoking Libertarian white kids who listen to Bob Marley, hand out literature in coffee shops, and love the look of braless boobs under tie-dye. When it comes to testimonials, those kids fall somewhere between being as influential as Rosie O’Donnell and Al Sharpton.

Ron Paul also assures “With [this book], I’m letting the establishment know we’re not going away.” If only I were a gambling man; I would put fifty dollars on the Republicans literally banning Ron Paul from their National Convention.

Ron Paul had one thing that he did better than arguably any other candidate running: rhetoric. No one really listens to Ron Paul anymore, but given a microphone, he could be counted on to make the most incendiary political remarks and act as a voice for the disillusioned. With this post, Ron Paul has officially lost his venom. He was never supposed to play their game. He was the outsider who was a hero to other outsiders. Now he is just another salesman. Maybe he can get big tobacco to back his book and he’ll make millions. I’m sure it wouldn’t bother McCain a bit.